


A Tale Of Sore Feet

by medeadea



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: M/M, Mushishi AU, ages of characters mostly inconsistent with canon, kinkuni are literal baggage I'm so sorry, mentioned bokuaka, mentioned past ennoaka, mentions of background character death, mentions of various other setters, set in historical fantasy Japan: please excuse inaccuracies as they're meant to be there
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-24
Updated: 2015-12-24
Packaged: 2018-05-07 11:02:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,730
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5454272
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/medeadea/pseuds/medeadea
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A long time ago in a Japan of the past, life was different from the way it is now.<br/>There was a life form, much more basic than plants and animals, beings that were in between real and spiritual that people would call Mushi. Those mushi couldn’t be seen or heard by ordinary people because human reality was so far removed from their essence. Yet they were everywhere, living, being, influencing the world as it was.</p><p>This is the story of Keiji and Tobio, two young men who could percieve Mushi and built their lives around them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Tale Of Sore Feet

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ToBeOrNotToBeAGryffindor](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ToBeOrNotToBeAGryffindor/gifts).



> I kind of didn't think much when I started this to be honest. The Mushishi AU jumped at me and I just went with it without considering that you probably don't even know Mushishi, whoops...  
> As it is, this is less of a crossover and more of a 'lent world' kinda thing (think Hogwarts AU maybe?) and I sincerely hope you don't mind. The Mushishi world is absolutely beautiful, I'm sure you'd like it. As it is one of my absolute favourite animanga series I can only recommend it (it's completely different from anything I've ever seen) however you don't need to know it to understand this story. (Do check it out though, if you have time ^^)
> 
> My sincerest thanks go to my amazing beta reader who bent over backwards to accomodate me and kept me going even though I was less than reliable.
> 
> Now I hope you have fun reading!

_ A long time ago in a Japan of the past, life was different from the way it is now. The fundamental form of all things living was called Kouki and it was connected to everything. The earth, the water, the sky, the living things we know. _

_ But there was another life form, much more basic than plants and animals, that was especially close to the kouki, beings that were in between real and spiritual, and people would call them Mushi. Those mushi couldn’t be seen or heard by ordinary people because human reality was so far removed from their essence. Yet they were everywhere, living, being, influencing the world as it was. _

_ Sometimes there were humans that could perceive them, could study and influence mushi and those people were called Mushishi. They would travel and help people whose lives were influenced by mushi, study unknown mushi and find antidotes to the negative of their effects. To exchange knowledge, wares and messages, mushishi would meet up at festivals with others of their trade several times a year, as had always been their tradition. _

_ This, now, is the story of two of these mushishi, their lives and how they influenced each other. _

  
  


Keiji closed the lid of his travel chest with a squeak and fastened the final leather strap with clammy fingers. He strapped the large wooden case securely to his back and rubbed his hands together. He’d soon need to look for a nice and warm haori, with the days getting shorter and significantly cooler — autumn was certainly reaching it’s end soon.

This year, for the first time, he’d gone to the cliff shore festival alone and it had been quite intriguing indeed, if a little sad. Koushi, a good friend of his former mentor, savant mushishi and kind-hearted human, had finally taken in a disciple, a curious boy by the name of Shouyou, only a year younger than Keiji himself. He had apparently been found him in a village completely burned down by a Hidane-mushi fire. The boy had laid it himself after somehow finding out that the dangerous Hidane larvae could only be killed through Kagebi, the fire that the adult Hidane produced. Shouyou was the lone survivor, almost frozen to death in the July heat by the warmth stealing fire of the mushi.   
But even after losing his home only three months prior, this boy was now radiant and full of energy. Incredibly gifted in his handling of mushi despite knowing almost nothing about them, he regarded them with utmost rapture and learned at an unimaginable pace.

At the beginning of the festival weekend, not a trace of malice was to be found in him, that is, until he found himself vis-à-vis with Tobio. Tobio, the prodigy mushishi, who  – now at the same age as Shouyou  – had already settled down in a remote village by the coast and conducted the most thorough and productive research about mushi anyone in their community ever had. None of the older mushishi could surpass his almost manic passion for the creatures and his talent in handling and understanding them.   
Unfortunately, Tobio’s talent with mushi did not spread to his dealings with other humans and so he was distant and awkward towards other mushishi, as well as haughty and uninterested towards the rest of the population that he was supposed to protect and educate.

Of course, as contemporaries with the same passion, Shouyou and Tobio singled each other out in the space of half an evening and that ended up  – mildly said  – in disaster. Nothing Shouyou said or did could satisfy Tobio, and of course Shouyou wouldn’t let himself be pushed around rudely after everything he’d experienced and everything he sought for now.

Keiji couldn’t exactly pinpoint what made these two hate each other with such a passion. Passion that before had seemed to be reserved for mushi in both of them.   
Shouyou clearly acknowledged that Tobio’s knowledge was greater than his own, but only used this to fuel his desire to surpass him in every possible way.   
And Tobio… appeared threatened instead of delighted for a new and equally driven colleague.

Keiji didn’t understand. All the noise and tension tired and baffled him. Because of it, he missed the opportunity to speak to Koushi for more than a few moments a time and failed in convincing Kenma of the necessity of following the trace of Nisekazura-mushi in the woods of his home, the black forest.

Kenma was a fiercely intelligent mushishi, older than Keiji and almost secluded in his tiny village in the wild woods of the black forest. He specialised in mushi that influenced the equilibrium of mountains on a large scale and had written many manuscripts on protecting mountains and homes through peaceful means.

Keiji himself wasn’t the most zealous of mushishi. He loved his work, the travelling and connecting with people, but he was no genius like the young Tobio or even Tooru from the far east lying blue mountains, who had researched the same kind of mushi  – the Tokoyami  – for decades.

Nevertheless, here he went, on a journey to Tobio’s village,  _ with _ Tobio. All because of the Nisekazura that had been plaguing him for more than four months now.

Unsurprisingly, as a travel companion Tobio was mute. He seemed to respect Keiji enough to not be imperious towards him, but made no effort to make their joint journey more agreeable. Keiji felt decidedly disinclined to do it by himself so he kept quiet for the greater part of their three-day lasting trip.

On the morning of the third day, though, he couldn’t contain himself anymore when Tobio stayed silent through the whole conversation with the owner of the inn they’d stopped at. As soon as the two were on their way again he turned towards Tobio and cleared his throat.

Tobio looked up as if he were startled. He probably was, after two days of silence between them.

“Tobio, tell me. If you’re so quiet with everyone like you are with me  – which I guess is the case  – how can you be so angry at Shouyou and so mean to him? I don’t understand.”

Tobio frowned and opened his mouth, but an answer only came after a few seconds.

“He’s infuriating.That’s all.”

Now Keiji frowned, albeit in confusion.

“How’s Shouyou infuriating? He’s had a really hard time, lost his home and family but he’s already up again  _ researching _ what the cause for that was. If anything that’s very admirable.

“Oh, is this some misplaced jealousy? There is no need to be jealous of Hinata; researching mushi isn’t a game where you have to beat others,” Keiji told Tobio.

Tobio shook his head adamantly.

“No, I’m not jealous of him. There’s no reason for me to be. It’s just… ah, he makes me so angry!”

Keiji sighed. “I think he’s a delight to be around. Maybe a bit too lively, but very inspiring. Makes me want to learn faster myself.”

Apparently Tobio didn’t agree as he simply hastened his steps and barked at the trees to their side, “He knows  _ nothing _ . ‘S wasted.”

And with that, the conversation was obviously over.

Keiji held in another sigh. He wished he had chosen a more pleasant companion, but unfortunately it seemed like Tobio was the only mushishi with the necessary equipment for his studies.

Several hours later, long after the sun had set, they arrived at Tobio’s home. It appeared to be a sizable house with a big adjacent garden.

On the inside, however, the normality came to an end. Every flat surface was covered in something or other. Stacked scrolls of paper, containers of various sizes, from tiny bowls to wooden boxes to enormous clay bottles, chests of drawers filled to the brim with paraphernalia of unknown to questionable origin, shelves with irrecognizable equipment piled over more gadgets and machinery.

The air was so thick with dust and a pleasant aroma of varied herbs, it staggered Keiji. Never in his life had he seen such a chaos of knowledge and expertise.

He followed Tobio on a small path down a hallway into a room that could resemble a study, if one took account of the sheer amount of scrolls it held and the immovable table in the middle of the room that was stacked with empty sheets of paper and copious inkstones and brushes.

While Tobio sorted through one of the shelves, Keiji couldn’t keep from marveling at his surroundings.

“Where did you get all this? Can you even orient yourself in your own home?”

Tobio pulled out one of the scrolls, unrolled it to skim the content and grunted in satisfaction. He turned towards Keiji and thrust the scroll at him.

“This is what I know about Nisekazura. Tomorrow we can gather what equipment you need.”

After shooing Keiji out of the study and sliding the door closed, he mumbled, “almost all of this stuff is from my education with Tooru. He made me take it with me. I don’t need most of it anyway.”

Keiji wondered at that. His own teacher had apparently been very different from Tooru of the blue mountains. He had wandered quite a lot and relied on others for supplies and replenishment without binding himself too much to one place. Naturally, Keiji had borrowed this method and made his home in the mountains and plains around his point of origin, the owl valley of the south.

When he lied down for the night, Keiji wondered how Tobio had become the mushishi he was now, living secluded in this house full of luggage and frantically researching mushi.

Keiji knew this picture would follow him for a long time — it had already burned itself into his mind while he slowly drifted to sleep surrounded by heaps of  _ things _ .

 

* * *

 

As he had predicted, two years later Keiji still remembered Tobio’s house in all its superfluity and clutter.

He hadn’t seen Tobio since, but an untimely autumnal storm coupled with a shift in the lightflow had him remembering Tobio’s home and seeking shelter there.

Tobio welcomed him inside with surprise but without resentment, which Keiji took as a positive sign.

Unsurprisingly, nothing much had changed. If anything, there was now more of a mess in the rooms and hallways, even more indescribable odds and ends lying around and thick layers of dust gathering on stacks of never-read scrolls.

Keiji wondered how somebody could live in such an environment, especially considering that Tobio did only use a small part of the things spread all over his place.

The location in itself was excellent for a researching mushishi, as it sat atop a strong vein of the lightflow, one of those subterranean streams of kouki that sometimes wandered but always indicated a healthy and mushi-laden nature around them. All kinds of mushi would gather and thrive here, inviting anyone that could see them to observe and learn.

In fact, it was such a perfect place that Keiji decided to ask Tobio if he could stay with him for a few days to examine a few findings he had made on his journey this autumn.

Tobio complied and even singled out a room for Keiji to use without being disturbed. Keiji himself wouldn’t have minded company, but Tobio seemed adamant on being alone when he worked.

However, before Keiji could start working properly, he would have to make space for his task. Thus he found himself sitting on the floor while the wind rattled on the shutter doors, and sorted through mountains of Tobio’s scrolls and other belongings. The scrolls were easily stashed after only half a day of rearranging, but there were heaps left of containers of strange smelling powders, boxes of carved wood, fabric in various colours, what looked like an enormous collection of simple rocks, and piles of nondescript machinery.

It seemed strange to Keiji that the mushi around him weren’t influenced at all. In a usual mushishi home there were often items that attracted, repelled or somehow influenced mushi, depending on what they were used for and which mushi were around. Yet Keiji sat in front of a pile of things that didn’t perturb them at all and he was surprised.

When he asked Tobio what to do with these things, Tobio shrugged and stepped back out into the hall. But before Keiji could get up and start needling Tobio to tell him what to do, he was presented with a large wooden box that Tobio shoved into one corner of the room.

“You can put them in here. I don’t need any of it.”

Then he disappeared again, shuffling down into the labyrinthian depths of the halls of his house.

Keiji shrugged and piled the things carefully into the box, relieved he could finally start working on his own affairs.

Time went by quietly, much calmer that Keiji was used to and he relished the silence. It was like having his own house for the first time and he made considerable progress as the days passed.

He shared meals with Tobio and they actually talked while cooking and eating. Granted, most of it was mushi talk, Keiji learned what kinds of mushi could be found around here and why, and what that meant for research. Keiji wondered why Tobio never once talked about his own work. Exchanging ideas and hypotheses was an aspect of their profession he liked a lot, yet Tobio was utterly unreceptive to his attempted questions at his business and quickly changed subject when Keiji started talking about his own daily pursuits.

After a week had passed the weather was back to travelling conditions but Keiji felt disinclined to leave already. He was nowhere near done with his analyses and enjoyed the effortless work environment too much. He asked Tobio if he could lengthen his stay for another few weeks until he was done and before winter fell completely. As expected Tobio had no objections and Keiji settled back down to writing his scroll.

He genuinely started to consider choosing a similar lifestyle at some point in his life, at least partially, and not only when he had become old and couldn’t travel much anymore, like he had planned so far.

There was something that puzzled him, though, apart from all the junk lying around in Tobio’s house and his secluded way of working. He had seen villages on his way here and he knew that this close to a lightflow there had to be frequent issues concerning mushi for the villagers around. Yet, not even once had Tobio gone out after the shift of the flow, nor had any of the villagers come to see him about an illness a doctor couldn’t heal or anything. He almost couldn’t believe that there was nothing that needed the assistance of a mushishi on such a healthy mountain.

Keiji asked Tobio about this when they had dinner together and Tobio shrugged.

“They know I’m here and that they can ask me. I’ve helped them before.”

At this Keiji stalled.

“You never go out and look after the villagers? You stay here all the time?”

Tobio frowned and fixed Keiji with a gaze that could be mistaken for a glare.

“They  _ know _ I’m here. They come to me.”

He obviously was of the opinion that this was enough and Keiji didn’t feel like arguing with him about it. Keiji did promise, though, to visit some of the surrounding villages and check if there was anything amiss that he could fix.

Often enough he went out to collect mushi that lived in the vicinity and used them to test a theory he had originated, so making a quick detour was hardly an inconvenience.

Furthermore he missed the company of people around him. Keiji couldn’t comprehend how Tobio could stand the continuous solitude. It was one thing to be shy and secluded, but living as a hermit was unheard of among mushishi and Keiji was convinced that not even Tobio enjoyed it. He just couldn’t grasp what was holding him back.

 

The weeks passed and Keiji progressed with his work as the weather became colder. He ventured out and visited a small number of villages, found few mushi interferences but nothing severe that he couldn’t solve on the spot. It seemed that Tobio’s strategy worked.

It was already near the end of the year and Keiji was almost done with his research when he discovered something that proved Tobio wrong.

He encountered a village located deep in a valley and found everything there covered in rust. Not only metal equipment, no, also the wood of the houses, the trees around, the ground, the food and especially also the  _ people _ . He quickly realized that this was not ordinary rust. It was a mushi. Keiji remembered having heard of a mushi that looked like rust before but he knew nothing more about it.

When he talked to the villagers he found out that they couldn’t see the rust, as expected, but felt it as a stiffness in their limbs. Everyone was affected, young and old and it was starting to become difficult to work with those stiff limbs. They told him it had started gradually about a year ago and progressed further and further until they would be incapable of moving freely anymore, but they did not know what to do.

Keiji asked them why they hadn’t sent someone to find Tobio as this was clearly not something a normal doctor could heal, but they evaded his question, uncomfortable at the mention of the mushishi. They obviously didn’t trust him to be able to solve their problem. Keiji was shocked.

He quickly made his way back to Tobio, suddenly relieved at the sheer amount of scrolls about mushi in his house. Somewhere there had to be something about a rust mushi.

Upon his arrival he asked Tobio if he knew about them and was surprised to hear that Tobio knew this specific mushi already. It was called Yasabi and usually settled on decaying corpses of animals, helping the decomposing process. Yasabi mushi made a sound that attracted other Yasabi when they settled somewhere, to signal that there was food nearby.

Keiji asked Tobio what could have attracted so many Yasabi for a whole year so they attached themselves to all kinds of surfaces that weren’t even useful for them and Tobio frowned in contemplation. His eyes glinted while trying to solve the riddle and he went through several possibilities. A large decomposing corpse couldn’t stay undiscovered for an entire year nor was it likely that another mushi attracted such a huge number of Yasabi. They seemed to prefer regions usually quite unpopulated by other mushi.

What Tobio knew, however, was how to get rid of them. Yasabi disliked not only big accumulations of other mushi but also the sea and salty air. The villagers simply had to travel to the sea for the coming winter and expose themselves to the sea air as well as sprinkle saltwater in their houses. If they could get rid of the source there shouldn’t be many Yasabi left as spring came.

Together they set out for the village, and Keiji observed the look of utter concentration on Tobio’s face as he contemplated possible sources for the Yasabi infestation. He turned ideas around in his head himself but couldn’t find a logical explanation either.

As soon as they approached the village, Keiji felt a shift in Tobio. He started concentrating on the mushi that covered everything and fell a step behind Keiji.

“I’ll go around and see if I can find a hint or something,” he said to Keiji and wandered off the path.

Right at that instant a villager appeared in front of Keiji and asked if he had found out anything about their illness.

Keiji affirmed and explained what they needed to do to heal and how to prepare their houses to get rid of the mushi. While he talked many others appeared and listened.

As soon as he had finished the villagers started protesting that they couldn’t leave their home for so long and that they would lose everything if anything happened.

Keiji had to insist that they go now if they wanted to ameliorate their condition. Yasabi didn’t normally detach off organic bodies until they were decomposed. Inanimate objects were different, but the villagers had to go to the seaside to heal. He tried his best to be clear and sympathetic, and managed to reduce the protests to occasional grumbling. Obviously they knew they had to get rid of the Yasabi to survive and Keiji smiled. The relief of a possible healing started to transpire to everyone around, making their eyes glow with optimism and happiness.

When Tobio returned to Keiji’s side he had an almost pleased look on his face. He told Keiji and the villagers that he had probably found the source of the Yasabi.

“I found a fox with a very strange voice in the woods. It was covered in Yasabi, more than anything here. I think it made the sound that attracted the Yasabi but it won’t live much longer. It almost can’t move anymore. We probably don’t even have to get rid of it.”

While he talked Tobio hugged his arms around himself and opened his eyes wide when looking at the gathered villagers. They didn’t react to him especially as if none of them had ever seen him before and Keiji wondered. He was relieved though, that they wouldn’t have to kill the fox, as that could enrage the villagers again. Foxes were best left alone in their region.

Keiji and Tobio decided that they had done their part, and Keiji made Tobio promise in front of the villagers to see if the Yasabi receded after the death of the fox and that he’d search for another source in case that wasn’t the reason. Then they made their way back to Tobio’s house.

On his way back Keiji’s mood suddenly plummeted. This had been such an avoidable problem if Tobio just took care of the people around him. He couldn’t understand why Tobio was so incredibly withdrawn. He wasn’t exactly angered by Tobio, he’d seen how difficult it was for Tobio to interact with people. A fact Keiji knew Tobio was aware of and that made him even more reluctant to deal with them, but it was clearly very much necessary in their line of work.

Keiji had seen how much Tobio revelled in the relief of the villagers and their found solution. He  _ knew _ that Tobio was genuinely pleased to help. He simply couldn’t understand why it was so hard for Tobio and why Tobio did nothing about it.

He just didn’t try and Keiji couldn’t accept that. He hated Tobio a bit for his reluctance, but above all, Keiji was confused and saddened.

Keiji decided to leave Tobio the next day. It hadn’t started to snow yet, which was somewhat of a miracle, and he could reach the next mountain in under a day. He needed to get out of that quiet house and collect himself again.

Tobio was clearly surprised when Keiji told him of his departure and asked for the reason.

“I’m almost done with my research anyways and I need to get out of here. Try to take care of the people on your mountain better, hm?”

Tobio frowned and cast his eyes to the ground. Then he sighed and continued.

They took their last dinner together in unusual silence and Keiji wondered if Tobio was sad about his departure. He didn’t feel like his time here had made much of a difference for Tobio’s daily routine, but maybe he was wrong and Tobio had enjoyed his presence. Keiji dismissed the thought.

The next morning Keiji packed all of his personal belongings and set off. Goodbyes with Tobio were short and Keiji supposed they wouldn’t meet again very soon. He would be proved right.

 

* * *

 

The next time Keiji met Tobio again was four years later at the midwinter festival, south of the swan capital.

Now, at twenty-two years of age, Keiji was as confident as ever and got into the habit of travelling around while keeping safe houses with people and mushishi he liked as a sort of home base.

When he joined the festival, he immediately realized that Tobio had changed quite a bit himself. He looked older, for one, but that was to be expected. Now Tobio obviously cared more about spreading his findings than he had before, or at least he was more successful at it. He was still very awkward around his peers, any attempt at conversation stilted, but seek company he did, and that was new to Keiji.

Keiji vividly remembered the weeks of solitude in Tobio’s home, ended by that almost-disaster of the valley village. His confusion at Tobio’s voluntary solitariness and inability to go out of his comfort zone hadn’t let him go for a long time afterwards.

After a whole day of exchanging information with Kenjirou from the capital and chattering with other mushishi, Keiji finally made eye contact with Tobio and shuffled over to sit down beside him.

“It has been a while, hasn’t it?” Keiji remarked and reached for his bottle of sake.

The day had been long and everyone collectively decided to end business talk and start relaxing.

Tobio cocked his head at Keiji and nodded.

“It’s nice seeing you again. How’ve you been?” he asked amicably and held out his cup for Keiji to fill. Keiji complied and smiled.

“Fine, I guess. Travelling most of the time. Research is slow when you’re moving around often. You still in that house of yours?”

Tobio nodded.

“Yes.”

Keiji could feel the memory of Tobio’s awkwardness return from the time where they had shared every meal of the day. He recalled how Tobio had unbent towards him slowly in those five weeks he spent in his house, but until the end never managed to hold a normal conversation. Keiji hadn’t minded that, not really, but he’d wondered. It seemed that Tobio now tried hard to rid himself of his gracelessness in conversation and Keiji was curious as to know what had made him so.

“What happened to that village, do you remember?” he asked, suddenly curious.

“The people all went to the sea over the winter, like you told them to.”

There was a tone of envy mixed in Tobio’s speech if Keiji read it right, and he frowned a little.

“And I checked for the Yasabi every other week. It really was the fox with the weird voice that attracted them. The people came to my house and thanked me in the spring after the Yasabi were gone,” Tobio clarified with a bit of wonder in his voice, as if nobody had ever thanked him before.

Keiji could almost imagine that that had actually been the case with Tobio’s personality, as improbable as it sounded to every other mushishi’s ear.

He could definitely guess what had provoked Tobio to care more for the people that surrounded him.

“That’s good, then.”

They conversed almost easily into the night and drank their sake until their limbs felt heavy and their thoughts started swimming through their heads like the mushi floated through the air.

“I have one question, though,” Keiji remarked in a fit of confidence and lowered inhibitions.

Tobio only hummed as a sign that he was listening and closed his eyes.

“Why are you alone? I mean… where is your family?”

The just closed eyes cast back open in a flash but other than that Tobio didn’t move.

After a while Keiji realized he wouldn’t get an answer to his question.

“I’m… uh… sorry, I shouldn’t have asked that,” he said, very quietly.

Then Tobio looked at him, eyes clear and brows slightly lowered.

“No, it’s fine,” he said. “I just don’t like talking about it.”

“You don’t have to-” Keiji interposed but was interrupted.

“I want to, though.

“My parents and my sister died when I was six. It was because of some kind of mushi, I still don’t know which. I was the only one who could see them but no one believed me and I couldn’t do anything then.”

Keiji was dumbfounded. Never would he have expected such a terrible story behind Tobio’s solitude and suddenly he felt foolish because of that.

It explained so much. Tobio’s obsession with mushi was fueled by the loss of his family. Or at least it was influenced by it. The maniacal research and the complete lack of regard for the educating side of his profession.

Keiji couldn’t imagine that the passion for mushi that Tobio showed was born from pain. No, that part of him had to come from an inherent interest, his eyes sparkled too much when talking about mushi or while handling them.

But his unparalleled close-mindedness in his research couldn’t have been born from his character. No matter what kind of child he had been, becoming an orphan at such a young age was dangerous and had lasting impact on someone's self. Considering that he had been taken in by Tooru of all mushishi – who was a brilliant man, but could be called eccentric at best now, in his great age – it was almost logical for Tobio to be the way he was.

And the way he had reacted to Shouyou...

After a few moments Keiji realized that he should have answered long ago but had gotten lost in his thoughts. Now it was too late, Tobio had turned his head back away but his face was neutral.

“We should go to sleep.”

Keiji sat up, his head spun lightly, and watched Tobio do the same. To his surprise Tobio smiled at him. A small smile, but not an unhappy one. Keiji was relieved.

“We should.”

 

The next morning they separated peacefully without looking back.

 

* * *

 

Before Keiji saw Tobio again the next time he fell in love.

Bokuto Koutarou was a merchant who specialized in mushishi supplies. He couldn’t see mushi himself, but his life had been strongly shaped by them and so he had decided to make them his profession as much as he could. Keiji was younger than him by a few years but it almost didn’t matter, as Bokuto was young in spirit and constantly in motion. He was passionate and loud, incredibly emotional and able to carry anyone along, Keiji included.

It was sudden and fervent, and completely changed his routine. Where he had been travelling along freely before, he now steadily returned to the same place.

At first it had been incredible. Keiji had never met someone like him before and was pulled in like the moth to the flame. He hadn’t been able to believe it at first when Bokuto returned his feelings.

They had collided like two comets, almost violently, intensely and full of fire. However it ended up more as Keiji circling Bokuto, since Bokuto was the merchant, bound to his place, and Keiji was the travelling and returning mushishi.

It was exhausting.

Keiji couldn’t bear the constant pressure of returning, running back and forth on top of Bokuto’s volatile moods. He ended it again right after the new year had started and fled, relieved.

Just then he met Tobio again.

Keiji had rested under an ancient sakura tree where the lightflow was strong and had paid his respects. The snow was thick and the air felt frigid. He’d heard footsteps behind himself and turned around. There stood Tobio, evidently as surprised at his sight as he was at Tobio’s.

Tobio looked terrible, for the lack of a better word. Exhausted smudges marred the skin under his eyes and deep wrinkles had dug into the skin between his brows. Keiji almost couldn’t believe it had only been a good year since he’d seen him last.

“Tobio. Hello,” Keiji said and his voice sounded rough from disuse.

Tobio nodded at him and knelt down beside him. Now that he was near, Keiji could make out his every feature, the pallor of his skin and the sadness in his eyes.

“Are you alright?” he asked but hesitated drawing nearer.

Tobio rubbed the skin between his brows and sighed.

“Yes. I’m looking for a mushi and can’t find it.”

Keiji was surprised at the quietness of his voice. After dealing with Bokuto so intensely he’d gotten used to a loud presence.

He felt uprooted now, even more than he ever had and didn’t understand why. He was finally back in his element, went wherever he wanted to and suddenly, through a meeting with someone that belonged to his used routine, someone from outside his affair with settling down, he was left reeling. It almost made him angry.

“What kind of mushi? Maybe I can help you find it.”

Tobio frowned and shrugged.

“They live in the sky most of the time. I don’t know what they feed from but sometimes they come down and take things up with them. Called Tenpengusa.”

“Why are you looking for them?” Keiji asked.

“That’s not important. I can’t find any. Haven’t for six months.”

Keiji was taken aback by Tobio’s rudeness and cold tone. He remembered that Tobio held all mushi in some kind of reverent light, but now there was only frustration and anger in his voice.

He answered softly, “maybe I can help you find them. Why do you need them?”

Tobio scowled at him, a veritable glare as if Keiji presumed a right to an opinion he wasn’t even entitled to.

“For research,” he divulged but didn’t specify any further.

Keiji was exasperated. It felt like he was handling one of Bokuto’s low moods again, just sharper. Bokuto only turned his hatred towards himself, whereas Tobio’s temper aimed at everything and everyone, including himself and everyone he met.

“If I find any I’ll let you know. You should try to ask other mushishi, too. Usually someone knows something.”

Tobio turned his head to the side, never letting go of his glower. This conversation was apparently as unpleasant for him as it was for Keiji.

“Fine,” Keiji almost snapped. “Have a good day.”

With that he turned away, strapped on his travel chest and stepped away.

He wondered where his anger had so suddenly come from, Keiji knew himself as a fairly patient person.

It dawned on him after only a few steps and fiddling with the chin strap of his hat. He was disappointed in Tobio, disappointed in his refusal to ask for help or rely at least a little on others. Tobio had been so much more open when they met at the midwinter festival and now he was clearly in a different state of mind, back to being obsessed with research and forgetting that he wasn’t alone, didn’t have to tackle his problem on his own.

Keiji sighed and trudged on. Tobio wasn’t a child anymore and it wasn’t Keiji’s task to take care of him. He just always had a hard time shaking his circling thoughts about Tobio.

 

* * *

 

When Keiji and Tobio met again two years after that disheartening conversation, Tobio was a different man.

Keiji sat down next to Koushi, like he’d made a habit when he attended the gathering near the lake plain. This year the festival had been pushed to just after the deep of winter since Keishin, the hosting mushishi, had unfortunately passed away in autumn and hence a mourning interval was kept free in his honour.

Despite the reason for the delay the mood between the mushishi stayed cheerful. That was mainly to Tobio and Shouyou’s credit, who had found the cure to the lethal infection with Mukurosou mushi with the help of Tobio’s findings from his experiments with Tenpengusa.

Koushi told Keiji how Shouyou had completed his discipleship with him successfully and with much enthusiasm, and how Koushi had sent him to work with another mushishi before he could start off on his own. Shouyou had immediately chosen Tobio as a partner.

They had apparently worked well together in spite of their glaring differences in character, and had developed the cure against the previously unknown mushi in record time. Keiji was deeply impressed. The Tobio he had seen last was so far removed from the one that was walking around now, spreading his joy in his discovery, smiling.

When Keiji told Koushi about his last encounter with Tobio, how disappointed he had been after seeing Tobio fall back into his solitary habits and how Keiji himself hadn’t been able to pull Tobio out of it, Koushi laughed out loud and studied him with glinting eyes.

“There seems to be a lot we don’t know about Tobio, don’t you think?” he asked and Keiji shrugged.

“You’re probably right.”

“I’m pretty sure. What I’m also sure about is that Tobio could use a friend or two.

“Beside Hinata,” Koushi added and tilted his head to the side.

Keiji exhaled slowly.

“I guess. His lifestyle is rather too eremitic for anyone, really. I don’t think he truly likes it.”

“Me neither,” Koushi agreed. “But look, he’s eyeing us right now. How about we ask the man himself?”

And indeed, Tobio was already on his way over to the two of them, looking as joyous as he had all day while still chewing on his lower lip.

“Good day, Koushi, Keiji. May I sit with you?” he asked formally.

Koushi laughed at him and gestured invitingly to a place beside Keiji.

“Please do sit with us. We were, in fact, just talking about you.”

“You were? What’s there to talk about me?” Tobio asked with an incredulous tone in his voice.

Koushi grinned and patted his knees softly.

“Oh, this and that, you know.”

Tobio apparently did _not_ know, as confusion painted his face as his widened eyes danced insecurely.

“Your successful work with Shouyou,” Keiji interposed to make Tobio relax again. It worked well enough and Tobio sat down beside him, posture less stiff than Keiji had known he was capable of before.

“Shouyou is annoying. But with me he can do incredible things,” Tobio declared with definite pride in his eyes. The corners of his mouth lifted in an almost smile until Koushi made to get up and remarked, ”True. But he’s his own mushishi now.

“I heard he’s going back to the mountain he was born on to settle down. Let’s wish him good luck, shall we?”

Keiji smiled up at Koushi and nodded.

“Have a good night, you two. I’ll see if I can convince Kaname of giving me some of his mushi binding stones from the cliff shore. I’ve had to use so many last year that I’m almost out.”

Koushi sighed and looked around searchingly while Keiji and Tobio nodded respectfully.

Keiji stared down at the table in front of him and followed the wavy grain of its surface with the tip of his finger. Tobio at his side had fallen silent and didn’t move.

When Keiji looked up at him, he found a sad expression on Tobio’s face, maybe even melancholy.

He was surprised at how well he could read Tobio now and understand what was going on in his head. It wasn’t like Tobio was an exceptionally hard person to figure out, no. He wore his feelings and moods directly on his face, but his inner workings were often hard to grasp for others or even illogical to them. The better Keiji had gotten to know Tobio, the better he was able to follow his thoughts and perceptions, and Keiji enjoyed it immensely.

It felt like he was peeling the layers off an onion, reaching the true core a tiny bit more with every layer he stripped off. It wasn’t like exposing Tobio, more like discovering treasures he wished to share, first with Tobio himself, and then—when Tobio was alright with it—maybe also with others.

“So, what have you been doing now that Shouyou is gone?” Keiji asked, which made Tobio start out of his thoughts and fix him with hesitant eyes.

“I’ve … uh … closed off and cleaned most of my house. It’s quite empty now. Next year I’ll go on with research.”

Keiji lifted his brows.

“Your house is empty? Did you get rid of all that stuff you had lying around?”

He almost couldn’t believe it. All that clutter should be gone?

Tobio nodded.

“Shouyou made me throw it out. He wouldn’t work in that room I’d given you before and he wanted to talk with me all the time.”

“Well, I guess that’s to be expected. After all you were working on the same thing. You need to communicate with each other.”

Keiji noticed the mix of awe, jealousy and confusion in the glance Tobio threw him. Then it hit him like a bag of rice.

Tobio had never before worked together with another mushishi. He had worked alongside others, including Keiji, but never had he cooperated with someone while pursuing the same goal. It was a notion that Keiji should have known, should have realized so much earlier. He tried to recall how long he had known Tobio now, but he couldn’t even remember the exact year.

Keiji had lived in Tobio’s house, yet he had never really seen him at work. There was so much Tobio knew, all those scrolls he had written, all those experiments he had performed, all those discoveries he had made. And he had done it all alone, on his own, without help. No doubt, Keiji finally realized, that was because he hadn’t learned how.

He knew it wasn’t entirely the fault of his teacher; Tooru had done great things with the help of other mushishi and surely must have set Tobio an example. But coupled with Tobio’s character, Tooru’s undoubtedly indirect teaching methods must have led to reclusiveness and hesitance to approach others in his disciple. And Tobio was aware of that.

“How are you managing with the villagers on your mountain?” Keiji asked, more to confirm his thought than simple friendliness.

As expected Tobio pulled a face. Keiji would have laughed if he had found the situation funny at all. He didn’t, though, and he tried to convince himself that he felt pity for Tobio, that the tugging in his belly was simple empathy.

“I don’t know,” Tobio reluctantly disclosed. “Shouyou always talked to them.”

_But I can’t_ , is what had to follow immediately after, Keiji knew. He also knew how much agony that caused Tobio, how much he wanted to help, to talk, to take care of the people around him, and he simply couldn’t because he had never properly learned _how_.

But now Tobio had obviously learned a lot from Shouyou, he was so much more sociable than before. None of the other mushishi felt uncomfortable around him any more, even if his fierce passion intimidated them. Everyone could at least glimpse that there was more to Tobio than that.

But Tobio himself was his own worst enemy, he didn’t trust in his own abilities, couldn’t see his immense growth. Keiji was overcome with the intense need to prove to Tobio how much was in him, how much he was already succeeding in making this world his own. Still, he didn’t know what to do, how to convince Tobio to make an effort that would make everything fall into place.

They ended up talking for the rest of the afternoon until far into the evening because neither was willing to let go of the other, each for their own reasons.

And under the influence of the sake they had started consuming when the feast had left business behind, a new possibility had presented itself to Keiji.

He fully realized the shrinking distance between himself and Tobio, the increasing number of accidental touches while gesticulating or the prolonged looks they both gave each other. Keiji’s head felt cloudy and a bit slow, but his thoughts cut through the fog inside like swords.

Yes, he wanted this, wanted to see and feel Tobio beside him, wanted to be seen and felt himself. He had to show Tobio how much was hidden in him that he couldn’t see yet.

Keiji fully turned to Tobio and lifted his hand. It was shaky and he didn’t really know what he intended to do with it yet, if he wanted to reach for Tobio’s hand or his face, or if he just wanted to beckon Tobio to get up with him.

Tobio made the decision for him before he could choose, took Keiji’s hand in his and laid it on his cheek. Keiji was surprised at the softness of Tobio’s smooth skin but he didn’t break eye-contact. He was mesmerized by Tobio’s gaze, his nearing face with its clear features and striking eyes.

When their foreheads touched, a wave of want flooded Keiji’s limbs and his fingers on Tobio’s face cramped. Tobio had to have felt it.

“Keiji. What do we do?” Tobio asked, whispering.

Keiji almost smiled out of habit, but this wasn’t the moment to smile. His whole body was alert, his senses sharpened and intensified by the haze that enveloped everything in his head. Yet he saw that he wasn’t alone in this, he knew Tobio felt like him, his mind on the edge of a cliff, his thoughts racing through his head without making the least sense at all.

“Show me your tent, Tobio,” Keiji said and Tobio blinked.

But then understanding flashed in his eyes and he pulled Keiji up by their joined hands.

Keiji felt like he was floating as he walked behind Tobio, surroundings disappearing into a mist of irrelevance. His everything was geared to Tobio.

Tobio, the man with the long determined strides, raised shoulders and strong grip of his hand.

The mind and body that bewitched Keiji in his entirety and would continue to do so for the rest of the night. Keiji could hardly believe his luck.

 

When he awoke the next morning—only few hours after they had fallen asleep—a feeling of dread sunk in Keiji’s chest. He knew he’d made a horrible mistake.

Keiji had approached the situation so wrong, had taken the easy way of physicality when he wasn’t ready to bind himself again. Maybe he never would be. He would have to hurt Tobio because he had tried to help the wrong way and he hated it.

Nevertheless, Keiji knew that he couldn’t tie himself to Tobio. It had already gone on much too long, he was starting to develop deep feelings for Tobio and that wasn’t right. Keiji couldn’t restrict himself to one place, his escapade with Bokuto only confirmed this to him. He had to get out before he could hurt both of them severely.

Keiji got up and dressed while Tobio looked on.

“I have to go,” he declared to the floor in front of his feet.

When he looked up at Tobio he couldn’t read his expression at all. It was absolutely neutral and Keiji was thankful for that. Had Tobio shown any signs of sadness he didn’t know if it would have been possible for him to leave.

But Tobio’s eyes held no sadness, or concern, or even the slightest hint of regret and so Keiji set off quicker than he ever had before. He forced his heart to silence and maybe even succeeded. His life was one of journey, not one of constancy.

 

* * *

 

About three years later a lot had changed for Keiji.

He was still travelling but he had lost his direction. No matter what he did, how many mushi he discovered or treated, he felt restless, uprooted, insecure.

He knew why—had known since that autumnal day exactly one and a half years ago that he wouldn’t find peace by walking his feet sore. He could have known it before, if he had listened less to his restless mind, but he hadn’t been able to let go.

Keiji, he now knew, was a person that never forgot. Not the people he met, nor the feelings he’d had, and least of all the mistakes he’d made.

Accepting faults was almost impossible for a man of his stubbornness, and it cost him so many years of his life in loneliness to admit that he was a fallible human, and utterly imperfect.

Yes, Keiji was lonely, had been for a long time, and now that he had understood this as a truth, meeting Tobio again, someone he had found lonely and someone who he had felt entitled to help, made him sway on his feet.

Tobio looked good. He was still himself, very formal and intense, but he fit into the environment of the spring festival with the other mushishi. He had matured and opened up but Keiji saw the lingering loneliness in the look he threw Bokuto and Kaori, his wife of one year.

When Tobio’s eyes found Keiji’s, he smiled and Keiji startled. He hadn’t expected a welcome from someone he had surely hurt in his haste to prohibit himself the attachment to another man. He knew now that it had been futile, that he would probably never shake off the traces that Tobio had left in him.

Keiji would be tethered to Tobio for the rest of his life, he loved him with all his heart.

“Keiji, how are you?”

Tobio had reached him before Keiji had had the chance to blink himself out of his thoughts and now stood in front of him smiling as if he was truly glad to see him.

“Tobio. I’ve been fine. Still running around as always. How about you?”

Tobio frowned at Keiji’s tone. But he answered lightly.

“I’m better, I think. Though I’m still looking for traces of the lightflow where my house is.”

“It has moved?”

Keiji enjoyed their easy slip into conversation immensely. He felt something in his chest loosen that had been knotted for as long as he could think and he found himself telling Tobio of his best kept secret.

How his childhood friend and crush Ennoshita had died eighteen months ago after being on Keiji’s conscience since his thirteenth birthday.

How Keiji and Ennoshita had been stupid enough teenagers to play with mushi they didn’t know yet and how Ennoshita had paid the price.

How he had gotten infected by a Yonowaru mushi twice and had lived every day of the second half of his life like an entire lifetime, aging at the pace of the mushi that nested in his head and dying every night before awaking anew the next morning.

Keiji had never forgiven himself for this and had abandoned his home to travel in a search for absolution.

Only when Ennoshita had finally died, Keiji had accepted that staying alone forever was no solution to any problem. That he wanted to find a home but had no place left.

Tobio took it incredibly serenely, accepting the climax of Keiji’s feelings with surprising grace and tranquility. Not once did he look at Keiji with pity or resentment, he accepted them as if he had anticipated something like it to happen.

Keiji’s heart swelled. He didn’t want to be alone any longer and he knew who had to be with him. He didn’t know how Tobio thought, couldn’t know. But he had to take the leap now. He knew how much Tobio had done for him, even if he hadn’t planned on it and he knew he had to try his best to give back everything he could to Tobio.

“Tobio, I have a question. Would you come travel with me?”

Tobio looked stricken. Then a light appeared in his eyes and his hands gripped Keiji’s tightly.

“Yes,” he said emphatically and smiled the broadest smile Keiji had ever seen on him.

Keiji smiled back. He knew they had much to figure out and much to search and find. Yet he looked forward to every second he could spend with Tobio.

“Maybe we’ll find a home together, what do you think? Now that your house has been abandoned by the light flow,” Keiji said, a smile on his lips.

Tobio shook his head and embraced Keiji tightly. He buried his fingers in the back of Keiji’s kimono and whispered tenderly.

“A home doesn’t have to be a place, I think. I found mine already.”

**Author's Note:**

> Constructive criticism is welcome, but do keep it constructive, please! :)


End file.
